I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
