Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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