trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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