I accidentally burped into my bong.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
