can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
