It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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