I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
