the condom got lost in my hair
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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