Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
