the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
