I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
