Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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