i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
