I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
