can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
