I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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