She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize