Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
