and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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