So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
