the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
