Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
