my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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