is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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