I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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