I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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