Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
