just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
