If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
