The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
