i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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