at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
