my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
