you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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