Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
