i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
