She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
