Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
