if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
