i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
