Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
