Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
