Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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