just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
