Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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