I'm lost and stupid without you.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
