i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
