it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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