well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
