hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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